DISCLAIMER: WITH WHERE MY HEAD AND HEART HAVE BEEN THESE LAST COUPLE OF WEEKS, I’M PURPOSELY NOT DISCUSSING THE ATTACK IN LONDON. THAT BEING SAID, MY HEART GOES OUT TO EVERYBODY THERE, AND I’M PRAYING THAT SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL, AND PEACEFUL GIVES SOON, AND THE MADNESS OF THESE SENSELESS ATTACKS WILL COME TO AN END. BLESSINGS TO ALL AFFECTED.
Now, let’s carry on to less heart wrenching fair and discuss the arrival of my younger brother, from my dad’s first marriage, to my mom (dad remarried and has three kids with his second wife, the youngest in that bunch also being a boy, which makes telling stories about my family confusing)and his wife to California yesterday. It has been almost twenty one years since they’ve been here, therefore we have quite the list of adventures we want to have over the course of one week. The only down side to the start of their holiday is that the weather isn’t co-operating thus far, so we had to tweak today’s agenda a little.
Instead of doing a lovely beach walk with the dogs, and then a nice lunch, before driving into Anaheim for the Ducks and Oilers game; we instead went to the top of Saddle Peak to take in the views of the Pacific Ocean down below, and hike the boys at the top of the mountain range. Well I use the term “hike” loosely since Duke is still only allowed 8-20 minutes of walking three times a day. It was more of a leisurely walk, than an active hike; and it was incredibly short lived thanks to Señor Duke, before long we were driving back down the mountain to go to the market for provisions, and then on to lunch at a dog friendly patio in Malibu. It is only 70 degrees here, or 19 degrees Celsius for the bulk of the world, but we had the boys, and they’ve just arrived from Toronto, so that’s warm enough to be patio weather for them, so this is where parked ourselves to eat.
Anyway, I’m rambling, and I apologize, because the point of my entire post is that from where this particular restaurant is situated in the plaza it gives whomever is sitting on the patio a perfect eye-line to the driveway in, and out, of the parking lot. When you sit on the patio, where we were, we can also see the motorcycle cop poised, ready to catch unsuspecting motorists with his radar gun, as they come down hill toward what is more times than not, a green light. It’s a great stretch of road, downhill from one green light to another. The problem is this. You go from fifty-five MPH down to forty-five MPH while going down hill. It’s cruel. It’s savage. It’s a gold mine. People who live here know that it’s a speed trap. My best friend has received a speeding ticket here, friends of my daughters have been nabbed there, most everybody knows that it is a speed trap. And man oh man an expensive one at that. I have never heard of anybody getting away from a ticket there for under $300! But every so often there will be days on end with no cop there, and people get cocky, and forgetful, with their eye on the prize ahead. A GREEN LIGHT.
Today was not one of those days. Today in thirty minutes we witnessed this motorcycle cop pull some over after being set up, from the last person we saw him get, within 68 seconds. We first saw him pulled off to the side of the road, putting away his ticket pad etc, while we drove into the parking lot, from just having given some poor bastard a ticket. By the time we were seated at our table, we watched him drive through the parking lot, set up at the top of the driveway, and what seemed too fast to be true he was off and chasing somebody down. It was so fast, our heads spun. That’s when we decided we were going to make a game out of it, we were going to time him from the time he set up his speed trap, to the second he left to ticket somebody and see how long it took for him to catch a speeder. The first time we timed him it took 68 seconds to catch somebody, the second time he pulled somebody over it took him literally 18 seconds. EIGHTEEN SECONDS. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? Jesus. We were DYING. It was like the man hardly has his feet down on the ground before he was racing after some poor bastard, lights flashing, making them dollar, dollar, bills. The third, and final time we timed him in the thirty minutes, took him a bit longer to nail somebody. 81 seconds. WTAF buddy. I mean I’m a cop fan, I respect the work they do, and think we’re fortunate that in this social climate people still even want to be cops. But handing out tickets like this? Why so aggressive bro? Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm.
The Malibu motorcycle cop who sits out side the Ralph’s plaza off the PCH and Civic Centre Way is making his ticket quota for the week within a few hours of chilling at the driveway of that shopping plaza. In fact, I’m confident he’s the same motorcycle cop who nails all the people making the illegal left hand turns between 6-9am at Malibu Canyon and Webb Way too. If it is him, this guy starts his day at 6am, giving tickets for a few hours to all the folks trying to avoid the traffic at the light at PCH, then he moseys over to the driveway of the Ralph’s shopping centre for a couple of hours and by 12pm his ticket quota for the day is probably met, and off he goes surfing for the last six hours of his shift. I mean there has to be some major payoff for this guy to be so committed, and fierce about giving those tickets out one on top of the other.
So my friends, if you ever do a road trip along the #1 freeway and find yourself coming down hill to the light at PCH and Civic Centre Way; SLOW WAY DOWN, or you might end up parting with more of your fun money on the side of the road than you ever dreamed of.